There are times that I lay in my bed like the old days of Adam and Eve, just with the fig leaves! As I was laying in my bed I was sleeping with two different blankets. One was covering my upper body and the other one was covering the lower. I thought to myself, “How many people are living under multiple layers?” That they cannot even remember when the last time was they were completely vulnerable and exposed. When I think of being raw and vulnerable I think of being naked in front of a mirror or being completely raw about what is really going on in life.
I have hidden under many layers so that people could not know who the real Sandy was. I covered myself with different types of layers of: comparison, fear of man, acceptance, and those feelings of being unlovable. I was not even sure how to come out from underneath those layers and some were harder than others. There were days that I wanted to stay underneath them on out of comfort or feeling safe under those layers
My whole life I always walked around under the layers of wanting to be accepted and approved. I jeopardized certain standards that I had been raised by. All for the approval of man and waiting for them to pull out that stamp of “APPROVED”. I always felt like the odd ball in crowds or the loud mouth, so I would feel the temperature in the room and become that chameleon. This was a lot of maintenance and by the end of the day still was left with those feelings of feeling unaccepted.
I had to decide of not wanting to live under those layers anymore. Deep in my heart I wanted to expose who I really was and be vulnerable, be raw! Show my nakedness in areas of my life that I was still working on, that were flawed and imperfect. Those layers were heavy and were suffocating me and I was growing tired as the years went by. But yet I fought against the lies in not knowing how to come out confidently and say, “Surprise, look at me”. Until one day I became tired of hiding for all those years. Regardless of the temperature in the room, I was going to be happy with me and no longer hide under those layers. That day came were I said “Surprise, this is me”.
See, I had to find my acceptance in my creator, not in man. That no matter the temperature in the room and in revealing my nakedness, I was still accepted. God had to get to the heart of my layers and begin to lift and expose those lies and feelings. My entire life I always felt like I could not add up or feel accepted by my parents. But God, He made it safe for me to show and give him my nakedness with the good, bad and the ugly. At times I find myself still being sharpened in this area of my life and being reminded of what my creator has said about me, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalms 139:14, NIV).
I want to encourage you and tell you that God wants to lift those layers off of you today and welcomes the good, bad and ugly of YOUR life and he reaches down to you and hands YOU the stamp of “APPROVED” I am praying for you today and I know that God is close to your heart and has his arms wide open and says, “I reached out from heaven and rescued you”.
Life Application
- What layers are you hiding under?
- When was the last time you experienced vulnerability and rawness around others or close friends?
- Are you constantly searching for that stamp of “APPROVED”?
- Grab it and tattoo it to your heart, mind and soul.
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Breathing Hope One Life at a Time.
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