Today, I am pondering on a season in my life where I thought, “If one more thing goes wrong, I am literally going to snap”. Where my upbringing began to ooze out of my pores. It tainted my outlook on life and question the beliefs I was raised by. How many times in life do you feel like you do not understand why certain things have happened to you? Or you continue to be challenged in an area and watch it not pan out like you had planned?
One day I watched as some new neighbors moved in across the street from us. I could see them come home from my office, don’t judge me, I am an undercover stalker! That’s when I heard a still small voice tell me, “Go and introduce yourself to her” and my response was, ‘No way I am not going over their! Next thing I knew, there I was knocking on the door. That day I made such a beautiful connection with her and the family. It was like a breath of fresh air to me.
The couple had been hurt by their church and no longer attending. I knew to take things slowly and began inviting them over for coffee or anything to build a relationship. I would share snippets of my upbringing and how I had turned my back on God because of what I experienced growing up. We went on outings together, dinners at each others home, we had some special moments. Then I invited them to our small group and eventually to the church I attended. They began going to church and God was doing a new thing in their family. God used my husband and I to minister to them by being an anchor of love to them.
That is when hardship reared its face at me again and in 2006 our neighbors were killed by a drunk driver leaving behind their three beautiful children. My whole world became undone and I was at a lost for words. I sat in disbelief and thought I need to wake up from this nightmare. Then about 8 months later, I lost my mother to cancer. In that moment all that I believed felt like I had been deceived. I questioned, ” If there was a God and asked “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Why would God send these neighbors or reconcile my relationship with my mom to take them away? It was an internal turmoil that had been bubbling for years and now ruptured.
I went through a dark time with a lot of sleepless nights. The last thing I wanted was my church friends coming over to encourage or pray for me. It was like pouring alcohol on a wound. I felt so toxic inside and was so angry at God. But in that dark time is where I heard that small still voice. Whispering to me saying, “Allow me to come close to your heart and heal you and show you who I am”. Well I answered the call, because nothing was numbing the pain I felt, except God.
I’ve had many incidents pop up in my life that have made me question God. Where I avoided praying or believing with someone due to my own disbelief. Wondering if it will be an answer to prayer or not! Again that small still whispers, “Allow me to go deeper and bring another level of healing to your disbelief”. I have seen God do some amazing things in my life. He is such a gentleman and knows my heart and still meets me where I am at in that moment of disbelief.
Have you ever felt it’s an uphill battle to continue believing in something regardless of the outcome? I am not sure what has happened in your life and maybe whatever that is has tainted what you believe in.
- I want to challenge you wherever you are at in life.
- To listen to that small still voice that whispers, “Allow me to come close to your heart, heal you and show you who I am”.
Will you help me by sharing this blog with someone who needs a word of encouragement. You never know if they are in a place in their life and need to hear the whisper of that still small voice.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18, NIV).
Breathing Hope One Life at a Time!
Carrier’s of Hope
One thought on “Help my unbelief!”
Yes. Thank you.